Alright so normally the only thing I see this site used for is to post pictures, gifs, videos, whatever that we like and other people will like too.  Well piss on that for now cause I got shit on my mind that I want out. Read it or not I dont give a damn.  I really just want to know why I feel the way I do. and its not just one feeling of anger, or sadness. Its this mixture of things and I feel like i’m always in flux with it.  Ask any of my family or friends and i’m the happy go lucky guy. I;m always the one the thats in a good mood and tries to infect everyone else with it.  theres nothing wrong with that and i love being that person cause i want to make people happy. this world is cruel and full of let down and i like bringing people back up.  and to look at me you wouldn’t think i have anything to be sad about, which is kinda where i’m confused.  I have a good family, great friends, a job a vehicle i’m not sick.  But I just cant help but always have this stuff inside me.  It hits at weird times too. i’ll just be sitting in class and out of nowhere i’m pissed off, but sad as hell at the same time. it happened alot tonight. Starting in class and pretty much lasted all night.  I dont know what causes it.  I dont really know what i want.  I’m single now and in some senses i really fucking miss not necessarily the sexual part, but just having someone i can hang onto an love.  But then I dont want that because i’m free to put more time and effort into other passions like music.  Then theres my hate for the government. I was raised to love the  country and now i know so much about how fucked up everything is. I think i feel betrayed by something that i used to pledge my alligiance to.  And my schooling, I just got accepted into a nursing program that is very selective, but i’m also second guessing myself.  Like what am i missing out on by going to a community college, or what oppurtunities will i miss when those classes start.  I hate feeling like i might hold our band back because im focused on other things as well.  but then i also know that it wont last forever which really makes me sad. Ive had so much fun doing this and it scares me to think that one day i wont be down in my friends basement dicking around with my two best friends playing music and wasting time. I was the same way when highschool ended.  Everyone was so excited to leave and it seemed like i was the only one who wanted to stay, to not lose everyone i was close to. I knew it would happen and i couldn’t stop it. I just wish i could figure out really how to get rid of all this emotional shit in my head and heart.  But anyway its like 330 in the morning and i just wanted to let out what ive got in my mind.  call me a whiney bitch cryin about my emotions i dont give a fuck what you think. -Tyler